I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
