Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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