What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
