we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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