I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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