tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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