I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
