Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I cannot find my penis.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
