i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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