My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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