the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
