You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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