I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
