She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
