You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
