We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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