dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
