quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She bit a glass in half.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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