never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
