its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
