i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I love having hate sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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