she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
