I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
