I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize