Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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