when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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