How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
