i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
