I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
