i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
