beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
