me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
