This is not my ceiling
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
