i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
