After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
