i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
