so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
