i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
