Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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