Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
