Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
