I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
