So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
