well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
