hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize