Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
