careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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