I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
