This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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