Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize