today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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