this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
