is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
