Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
