Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
