If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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