He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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