if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
