I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
