My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
