I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
