so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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