saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
