if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
