dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
