I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
