My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
