Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize