You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
