i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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