Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
