omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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