dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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