so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
