he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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