I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
