she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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