He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize