yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize