So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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