I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
