She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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