Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
