It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
