I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
