Cold hands, warm shart.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
