I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
