bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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