just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
