I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
