just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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