At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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