i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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