My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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