And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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