even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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