forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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