I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
