I wish my penis had an off switch
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
