I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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