I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
