Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
