I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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