There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
