I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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