Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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