the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
