I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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