i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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