He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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