HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Terrible idea I love it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
