no, he came in my armpit
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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