girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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