wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
